What Are You Resisting In Your Life?
Change. This one word produces anxiety for many people. For them, change means chaos and uncertainty so they try to avoid it at all costs. They want everything to stay exactly the same so they can feel comfortable, secure, and safe. But a life without change is one without opportunity and growth. This is what humans need to evolve into better versions of ourselves. Resisting the natural changes that need to happen will only lead to the chaos you’re trying to avoid.
We all know deep down inside when it’s time to move on from a relationship, job, situation that happened to us, or phase in our life. Nevertheless, we fight it. We resist because we’re fearful of what may happen next. I have a saying, “People will choose to remain unhappy for the rest of their lives in order to avoid feeling any temporary feelings of discomfort.” They will stay in a situation they know is not right for them just so they don’t have to step out, be uncomfortable, and do something different. Yes, it will bring about some chaos and uncertainty, but it’s temporary. You will settle back into comfort and security . . . until it’s time to change again.
I want to focus on the “phase of our life” change. From here on, we’ll refer to it as a “transition”. We make several of these throughout our lives and even more if we’re open to it. Beginning at a young age, we take on “roles” that we learn to play very well. As we get older, our environments, relationships, personalities, and circumstances change. This means our roles should change as well (or be stripped completely). This goes hand in hand with resistance to change. Since we’ve played these roles for so long, we don’t want to give them up. We may really like them and feel good in them. We may be scared of who we are without it. So once again, we resist.
Regardless, in order to transition and evolve, it’s necessary. If you resist, something will feel off. That feeling is you fighting against yourself. It’s time to transition but you’re pushing against it. I’m here to tell you that you won’t win that fight. As long as you resist, you’ll feel that inner chaos. But the moment you acknowledge what needs to happen, accept that it will be hard and uncomfortable, and step into the newness with wobbly legs and fresh eyes, you will be revived. Your inner peace will begin to restore.
I’m currently in one myself. I want to share a little bit about my a-ha moment.
From a young age, one of my roles has been: hustler/achiever. Grinding to make shit happen—in school, at my jobs, in my physical health, towards goals, etc. Go, go, go. I’ve always been in competition with myself to be a better version and I equated hustling to improving myself and my situation. I worked longer hours than required and put forth the effort that others wouldn’t. I sacrificed relaxation, enjoyment, and my mental health to do so. I was taught to be independent and take care of myself so I didn’t have to rely on others. Working hard allowed me to foster this indepence. I’ve always taken great pride in this. My definition of success was making money (ching ching) so I was able to spend it on nice things. I was successful if I was the best at my job and slayed whatever goal I was working for. To be real, I killed it. I’ve always played this role very well and it made me very happy. Until it didn’t.
My circumstances changed (as they often do) and I found myself fighting an internal battle. This was the beginning of my transition. Long story short, parts of this role began to shatter. I had to slow the fuck down. I had to update my definition of success. This was reeeeeally hard for me. This role had looked the same for 35 years—be super busy and create success. It came down to two questions. Do I want to be unhappy making a lot of money while constantly stressed out? Or do I want to slow down, make less money while I rebuild, and be happy? I chose the latter and changed careers to become a Life Coach. Am I happier? Abso-fucking-lutely. It has been emotional, uncomfortable, scary, and challenging to say the least. But the opportunity and growth I’ve received is priceless. However, because this role is ingrained in me, I still have moments when I feel I should be doing MORE.
Now here I am again. On the verge of the next phase of the transition. As I write about it right now, I’m absolutely terrified. This hustler/achiever role has to be addressed yet again. Another internal battle has been brewing. I thought it was just hormones from the pregnancy, but as I tuned in, it became more clear. A piece of me is fighting to keep this role alive. My inner bully says things like, “I can’t allow myself to slack even more. I’ve already slowed down enough. I know I’m having a baby, but that’s not an excuse. I have to maintain my work ethic and stay on top of shit. Keep moving forward. Do more”. And the other piece of me is fighting to let go. My inner bestie says things like, “I’m having a baby! I work for myself and it’s the perfect time to be present and take it all in. I’m doing enough. I don’t always have to push myself to achieve more and more. It’s okay to cruise and enjoy the ride. I can pick up the pace again whenever I want.”
Here is my a-ha moment: Being a hustler and achiever is not who I am. It’s a role that I play that serves (or has served) its purpose in my life. And just because I press the pause button or pull my focus from it to enjoy this next phase, I am not betraying or abandoning myself. I am listening to the natural rhythm of my life. Right now, that role is not supposed to be front and center. Life is requiring something different from me. If I continue to hang onto it, it will just bring me stress and guilt because I cannot live up to it at the moment.
Whoa.
But now the real challenge . . . actually letting it go. Talk about resistance! I’m clutching on to it so tightly because I feel it’s a part of my identity. One I have cultivated and perfected. I don’t WANT to let this part of me go. Who am I if I’m not playing this role? In the same breath, how will I find out if I don’t release it and allow myself to transition? I know what it’s like to slay it in this role because I’ve been doing it for almost 40 years so let’s find out what I can do without it. Furthermore, it’s already causing inner turmoil because I cannot play it like I’m used to right now. And when our baby comes, that inner turmoil will continue to build and cause me not to be present with him. I remind myself that whenever I want to come back to it, I can! THIS is my work for the next 4 months . . . releasing my grip and allowing myself to transition to the next beautiful chapter.
Letting go of a role and transitioning to a new phase of life is scary. We hang on so tightly, even if we’re no longer experiencing joy or not moving forward in our lives. We are creatures of habit and crave homeostasis. But what are we missing out on? Allowing yourself to move with the natural flow of your life allows you to be present with what’s being offered in that moment. It makes you available for the future. Fighting against it means you’re holding on to the past and unwilling to accept all that’s waiting for you. I know it’s hard and uncomfortable, but every time I give in, I can’t believe how much better my life gets. What roles are you currently playing that no longer serve you? Where in your life do you need to let go? What are you resisting? Think long and hard. It could be what’s keeping you stuck. And you might not even know it.
