Yes, I Have Anxiety. (Part 2)
Oh, anxiety. Even saying or typing the word can sometimes trigger me. My anxiety used to control me. Fortunately, I’ve learned tools to better manage it. I don’t have it all figured out, but holy shit, it’s way better than it used to be. In a previous blog, I talked about the basic tools I work with regularly. This time, there’s a new one I want to share. For me, every anxious situation is different which means I have to dig around my tool box to see which one is appropriate. The more I use this one, the more I like it. Full transparency, the original idea came from a mindfulness teacher. I adjusted it to work for me and you can do the same.
Anxiety begins with our thoughts. Thoughts create emotions—anxiety. Emotions create sensations in the body—this is usually what we notice first. Sensations in the body lead to actions—canceling plans, yelling at a loved one, scrolling on the phone, etc. What do we typically do when our anxiety sets in? We suppress it or push it away, right? We want it GONE ASAP so we do everything in our power to make that happen. Unfortunately, this can backfire and lead to even more anxiety. I’ll explain how in the next paragraph. So what do you do? Well, what if you did the opposite and invited it in? Sounds crazy, I know. I thought the same thing when it was first presented to me. But I’m telling you . . . it works.
Anxiety is your body’s way of signaling to you that something may be wrong. By pushing it away or ignoring it, you’re signaling back to the body that it’s message is unimportant. One of two scenarios will follow. First, the anxiety is forced to speak louder. Your thoughts and feelings grow more and more until it’s an uncontrollable bonfire. Second, it hears you say, “Not right now.” While it may go away temporarily, it plans to circle back another time. By inviting it in, you’re acknowledging it. You’re letting your body know that you have received the signal and you’re tending to it. Once the body feels “heard”, it will no longer feel the need to send the signal.
Here’s how it works. Once I feel the anxiety, I welcome it by having a conversation with it. Don’t forget to breathe—I sprinkled some reminders in along the way. It goes a little like this:
“Heeeeeeyyyy anxiety. I know you’re here because I feel you. (Breathe) [I list the physical sensations I feel in my body] My head is weird, my body is shaky, my negative thoughts are racing, the center of my chest has bad butterflies, and my heart is palpitating. I’m not sure why you showed up, but I’m not going to push you away this time. (Breathe) Since you’re already here, why don’t you pull up a chair? Grab a glass of rosé, take a seat, and make yourself comfortable. As you can see, there’s nothing wrong. (Breathe) Everything is fine. I am safe. (Breathe) [I describe why I’m safe] I’m home. I’m healthy. I’m not in immediate danger. I’m in control of my environment. (Breathe) But don’t take my word for it. Settle in and see for yourself. While you’re checking shit out, I’m gonna get back to what I was doing before you interrupted me. Thank you for showing up and for trying to protect me. But as you will see, I don’t need you right now. (Breathe)”
I take a few more deep breaths and then I redirect my attention to a task. By acknowledging my anxiety and showing it that everything’s okay, it has a tendency to dissipate on it’s own. Trust that it will. Give it time.
This happens because it received the message that there’s no threat. I may have to do this a couple times until the message is fully received by my mind and body. I am, in my own way, processing the emotion of anxiety. It can be uncomfortable and hard. But if I don’t do it, that emotional energy will continue to move around in my body. Not only will it keep resurfacing, but it can create toxicity over long periods of time. Emotions present themselves for a reason. When they do, it’s important to give them your attention. Below is a guide for helping you construct your conversation. Notice the repetition of breathing. It’s crucial to breathe during anxiety.
Awareness; Breathe. Recognize and identify the thoughts and sensations in your body as anxiety.
Acceptance; Breathe. Stop resisting and accept that you’re anxious.
Allowing; Breathe. Allow the feeling of anxiety to be present. Converse with it.
Release; Breathe. Redirect your attention to a task and allow the emotion to pass.
Emotions are beautiful (even anxiety). It’s an amazing part of our human experience. We are fortunate! Your emotions are valid, important, and necessary for understanding your internal and external environment. Acknowledge them, name them, welcome them in, nurture them, and allow them the proper time to take their course. We easily do that for positive emotions but not for negative ones. If you have anxiety often, it might not ever go away completely. Maybe start to think of it as your protector—one that shows up when it thinks you’re in danger. A bodyguard of sorts. It can be annoying at times, but it’s only trying to keep you safe. Having a few ways to manage your anxiety is a really good thing. This is a different approach than what you’re probably used to. It will take practice and consistency. It will be uncomfortable. Sit in the discomfort. Allow the anxiety to be pass through you. And breathe.
