Stop Whining.
We’ve got to stop whining. Whining: also known as complaining or griping. It’s not flattering. It annoys others around you. It does absolutely nothing to make any situation better. Most importantly, every time we whine, it could be harming our brain.
According to research from Stanford University, complaining (which originates from stress) may shrink the hippocampus—the part of the brain that’s critical to memory, problem solving, and intelligent thought. This is dangerous because the hippocampus is one of the primary areas destroyed by Alzheimer’s. Furthermore, every time you whine, the likelihood of doing it in the future increases. You are slowly rewiring your brain to make complaining a habit. That’s what people will come to expect from you. You’ll be known as the person who whines and complains. For example, we ALL know people who spend 90% or more of their time posting complaints on their social media. When their name pops up, you’re bracing for what it’s going to say today. Most of the time you read it (because you have to know what in the hell they’re bitching about now), roll your eyes, and keep scrolling.
I’m not saying there isn’t a time and place for a little complaining, but don’t let it be your default. How can you tell if you’re the whiney kid in class? By becoming AWARE. You can’t improve upon something if you aren’t conscious that it exists. Be mindful in your conversations—including the ones with yourself. Does negativity outweigh positivity? Do you get stuck in a bitch session with others easily? Are people constantly trying to cheer you up or offer advice? Do people avoid having conversations with you? If some of these are ringing true, don’t be embarrassed! It’s super easy to get caught up in complaining. Maybe just acknowledge that it might be a problem and embrace the need for improving.
Now that you’ve made yourself more aware, you should be able to catch a gripe when it slips out of your mouth. When that happens, you have a couple of options. You could abandon the gripe altogether. You know, just move past it to a more positive thought or topic. You could say something like, “You know what? Scratch that. I was about to start griping but I changed my mind.” Then find SOMETHING positive to say and roll with it instead, “My lunch was so good today. Have you ever eaten there before?” Every time you do that, it’s interrupting a pattern in your brain. More specifically, a pattern that makes you unconsciously and automatically communicate your frustrations by griping. By interrupting this pattern, you are slowly rewiring your thoughts to go from negative to positive. You’re creating a NEW habit.
Or you could whine with a purpose. As soon as it leaves your lips, try to stop yourself, apologize for whining, and ask the other person some advice. “Any insight you could give me on this?” Then LISTEN. You may or may not find value in what they have to say, but you won’t know unless you hear what it is. This also means: don’t bypass what they say, offer more excuses, and get back to whining. Thank them for the perspective and allow the conversation to flow back to a more positive topic. Maybe you get a solution from the advice or maybe you don’t. The main thing is that you interrupted the pattern of whining and redirected it.
Now what about the friends you gripe with every time you’re together? There’s a difference in venting every once in a while and using complaints as the foundation for your conversations. Make sense? Be the one who steps up and brings something new to the table. Suggest that you complain for the first 15-20 minutes of your time together, and then move on to talk about something else. Imagine how much better your time together will be when it’s not consumed with negativity and complaining. Use the two tools above to guide you. Don’t be afraid to hold each other accountable. You’re doing it for the health of your hippocampus, mood, and mindset. If you have a friend who just doesn’t get it, what you do next will be up to you. I promise after you reduce your whining, it will be quite annoying when you notice others doing it.
We’ve become a society that’s super comfortable with whining. We do it because it feels good in the moment, but the feel good is only temporary. The rest—possible damage to the brain, habitual complaining, patterns of negative thoughts, and pessimistic mindset—affect us long term. All in all, it’s way more destructive than constructive. The good news is that it’s all in our control! Once you realize you’ve started to complain, you get to choose whether it stops right there or keeps going. Just like anything else that took years to develop, it will take time (and consistency) to redevelop. If it’s something you see value in, start making small changes now. I challenge you to give it a try and see if your mindset and relationships don’t improve.
