Don't Rely On What Others Think
As humans, we care too much about what other people think. I do feel like social media is partly to blame, but really . . . it’s our fault. We’re the ones that perpetuate it in our own lives. Our self-worth is defined by the opinions and reactions of others. Before we make a decision, we should be asking questions like, “Is this something I really want to do?” Or “Will this make me feel good?” Instead, we default to questions that sound something like, “But how is this going to make me look?” Or “What will people say?” Ultimately, it’s all about how we’ll be perceived. When we concern ourselves with the opinions of others, we lose every time. For one, we can’t control what other people think and we damn sure can’t control what they think about US. We know we can’t jump inside their heads and force them to think a certain way, but that doesn’t stop us from trying. Second, no matter what we do, SOMEONE out there will have an opinion about it. We can’t escape it. This means you’re never going to make everyone happy . . . ever. So why not try doing what makes you happy since you’re the one who has to live with yourself and your choices?
I’ve been judged my entire life, sometimes harshly, by people who didn’t take the opportunity to get to know me. AND by people who never even met me. When I was younger, it definitely bothered me. I found myself getting caught up in “I really want others to like me” mode. Then one day things started to shift. When I found myself conforming to anything that would make me more appealing to others, I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. Every ounce of my being was screaming, “No. Don’t you dare.” I finally started to listen. It’s now very difficult to do something that doesn’t feel good to me. It’s even more difficult to be fake. I’m grateful for this awareness because that feeling has always guided me in the right direction. You have it too. Trust me. You might not be as aware of it—or it could be muted because you’ve suppressed it for so long—but I promise it’s there. I urge you to start being more curious about it.
When you’re younger, it makes a little more sense. You’re not settled into a place of confidence or who you are in the world. You just want to fit in! But as you get older, it leads to making sacrifices in your life—things you like or enjoy, what you eat, what you wear, things you say, what you believe, etc.—all because someone might not approve or think less of you. Come on. We’ve got to do better. After sacrificing for so long, YOU don’t even know who you are or what you want anymore. For example, you’ve heard the phrase Keeping up with the Jones? Everyone else in your friend group, neighborhood, church, or company has that handbag or car so therefore, you need it too. Because if you don’t have it, what will they think of you? How will you ever fit in? Next thing you know, you’re looking like, thinking like, and making the same goals as everyone else. BORING AF. 🤮
Social media is even worse. There are children (and adults) who think if their post doesn’t get a certain number of “likes” that people don’t actually like THEM. I’ve heard them say that it makes them feel like they aren’t good enough in real life. Y’all. It breaks my fucking heart. People are defining themselves based on the reactions of a photograph. A photograph that was important enough to share. All of a sudden, that photograph isn’t considered cool enough by others and the initial feelings of importance are quickly diminished. Hey . . . that photograph can still be important even if no one else thinks it is. It’s important to YOU (because it is) and that’s all that matters. Real Talk: people don’t care about our world as much as we do. Think about that. They scroll because they want to see what others are up to—or they’re bored—but when it comes down to it, most of them don’t really give a shit that you’re out there living your best beach life. And on top of that, there’s a algorithm that doesn’t allow that photo to fully circulate to all your friends. And on top of THAT, you’re giving away your power to other people (maybe even strangers). People who are dealing with their own shit.
You’re in control of what you think, so you can for sure control what you think of yourself. It’s just silly to be living your life for what others think, how they perceive you, and what is going to make you fit in. We live in a very opinionated society that you’re never going to be exempt from. Be who you are and live for what you want. It’s the only way to be truly happy and fulfilled. I saw a meme the other day that said, “Do whatever the fuck you want, just don’t hurt people.” Heard that. I find that by being myself, I attract MY people. I’m a lot to take in. I have confidence, passion, and intensity that some people don’t get. It’s often mistaked as harsh. But hey, perception is reality. If that’s what they get, who am I to argue? But the people who do get me, they REALLY get me. And those are the people that make my world go round. As far as my choices, I am not one to follow the crowd. I make my own choices based on what’s best for me and lemme tell you . . . I am reaping the benefits. Being an individual always pays off in the end.
Tune in and take your own inventory. Start asking questions like:
What do I want?
Why do I want it?
What will it look like for me when I get it?
How will that make me feel?
What do I need more of? Less of?
What’s best for me? My relationship? My family?
What makes the most sense for my financial circumstance?
What will make me the happiest?
What’s the worst that will happen if “they” don’t approve?
Go find your happy and start choosing it.
